john's going back to europe and i think he's more sure of that than he is of me.
when he stayed over, he could pretend. but when it was time to talk about it, that was a whole different story. what should i say?
i'm begining to immerse myself in the languages of the world... maybe they can save me from the cruel ways of the english.

today seems strange and lonely. my sister wakes me up every morning and i get so upset because there isn't anyone here to keep me company. i found out that i'm not making as much money as i thought. moving out sounds like it might be tough with less than ten thousand a year. goodbye little luxuries.
i realized today how much i hate the radio. they only play the songs that are "a dream come true" for the part of america that's braindead.

got a job today. things are looking up. i saw sweethearts today, with jeneane gorafalo. i was shocked, they made her character so shallow. she was bi-polar manic depressed. totally a terribly written part for her.
I keep having these dreams about dying and babies. not necissarily dying babies, but it has occured. each dream is like a sad fairy tale in faded technicolor. maybe francesca lia block will write a fairy story about my life...

this is my first attempt at making it. i'm moving out for the first time... find myself in love with the idea of things.
being alone isn't so scary anymore. am i supposed to dream and then write it down for you? will you cling to my ideas the same way i cling to the promises made years ago by people who i can't even be certian exist? i guess that's a chance worth taking.